09/17/25 today i found the song that i choose to play as i was dying the last time i tried to kill myself 10 years ago: Thy Light - in my last mourning.
                  If i had died then, none of _that_ would've materialized, you know, and only God knows what is awaiting for me next. I know big things are coming, but
                  sometimes, i can't bear the pain. Specially now that i am sober. This is what i run from, the existential dread and profound sadness that lives within.
                  I don't know how much else i can hold, or if i even have it in me to stay longer, i feel my will is weakened. 
                 Regardless, what keeps me here is the sensation of unfinished business, projects that have not yet been completed, and others that i haven't even started
                 i don´t know how am i going to stay sober while all these toughts linger, 'm not going to give up just yet, but sobriety brings out all of the profound sadness